==>Karkat: Examine Quadrants
UUUGH. You’d…really rather not. For the troll romance guru of your age, your OWN quadrants are so incredibly fucked up and nonsensical and stupid and UGH. WHY DO THINGS HAVE TO BE SO CONFUSING? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO HAVE SO MANY FUCKING FEELINGS? WHY IS THE EVERY PARADOXICAL UNIVERSE’S PUNCHLINE ALWAYS “KARKAT VANTAS”. YOU HATE EVERYTHING PLATONICALLY. OR NOT. YOU DON’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW ANYMORE.
==>Karkat: Have a human fetish.
YOU DO NOT HAVE A HUMAN FETISH YOU FUCKNUTTED WRIGGLER SHIT. HUMANS ARE TERRIBLE, DISGUSTING, UNRELENTING ASSHOLES WHO, AS A SPECIES, HAS NO SENSE OF ROMANCE OR SEXINESS OR ANYTHING EVEN CLOSE TO ATTRACTIVE HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU HAVE A-
ok so maybe you have a little human fetish goddammit it’s not your fault they’re all so pitiable/hateable. (
And now you had to COME HERE, to this STUPID ASS TIMELINE OR UNIVERSE OR WHAT HAVE YOU WITH CARD GAMES AND SHADOW MONSTERS AND FOR SOME REASON THEY WERE ALL ATTRACTIVE, THE HUMANS, NOT THE SHADOW MONSTERS (okay some of the shadow monsters and their skimpy outfits and nnngh god no never mind move on) AND UUUUUUUUUUUGH WHY DO YOU EVEN NEED FEELINGS WHAT HAVE THEY EVER DONE FOR YOU?
==>Ryou: Be the object of Karkat’s affection
What are you talking about? Haha, that would be silly he’s an alien, isn’t he? How would that even work…I mean, you suppose it wouldn’t be to much weirder than having a relationship with a 5,000 year old Ancient Egyptian Spirit…but still.
==> Be the 5,000 year old Egyptian Spirit
No. Fuck you.
==> Oh, well, the was a bust. Be Ryou’s concerned friend.
You are more than concerned; you are incredibly, ridiculously worried. Why does Ryou always attract bad, crazy strange things? It’s really not fair…you mean…you got the Pharaoh, and all your friends and Ryou has…
he has THAT thing around his neck. And you don’t like that at all, because you don’t like anything that hurts your friends! And Ryou is so nice and great and deserves nice things. You just really are protective of Ryou, ok. You AND the Pharaoh.
And neither of you like this crabby grey kid who showed up with the rest of the weird grey kids and who has gotten awfully close to your foreign and lovely and way too nice to weird, strange, mean people friend. He yells ALL THE TIME, and he doesn’t like duel monsters, which in your book is telling about a person. You only put up with him because apparently it’s essential to saving the world, and ok, that’s sort of important; but you still don’t like him.
You may have let him in your house with everybody else, but that doesn’t mean you won’t glare at him until he stops smiling at Bakura.
==>Karkat: Get glared at by the amazing tricolored human Hedgehog
God that kid is annoying. What’s his deal? You’ve never done anything to him. GOD HUMANS ARE ANNOYING. EXCEPT BAKURA. BAKURA ISN’T ANNOYING UNTIL HE GETS ALL GLOW-Y BUT THAT’S AN ENTIRELY NEW SET OF FEELS AND GODDAMMIT HAVING TWO QUADRANT CRUSHES IN ONE PERSON IS TOO FUCKING CONVENIENT TO RESIST BLUH.
DUDE SERIOUSLY WHAT’S HIS PROBLEM? CAN HE NOT SEE YOU ARE TRYING TO GET YOUR FLIRT ON? YOU’RE MAKING AN ASS OF YOURSELF AS IT IS, THANKS, YOU DON’T NEED HIS HELP.
==>Ryou: Blatantly ignore hostile and awkward situation
You do that a lot and now is no exception. Silly Yugi, he hardly even talks to Karkat! He shouldn’t be glaring. You’re not sure why he doesn’t like him…you mean, Yugi likes KAIBA, and Kaiba is an asshole. Karkat is just yelley, and swears when he gets flustered, which isn’t hard. You can do it just by smiling. The ring spirit doesn’t like him either, but…but it’s different and something you’d rather not explore because you think its inappropriate. You could really go for a drink right now, and maybe pizza.
Huh, you happen to be really hungry actually oh whoops looks you better scurry off to grab some refreshments.
==> Ryou: Abscond
==> Yugi: Give a friendly warning while you have the chance
“HEY. FUCK YOU. WHAT DO YOU WANT?”
“Don’t yell at me!”
“I’M NOT, THIS IS JUST HOW I TALK. I DON’T JUDGE YOU FOR BEING NATURALLY A MIDGET HEDGEHOG GRUBFUCKER, DO I?”
“I don’t know what that means now shut up.”
“Are you holding your breath?”
“UGH! Whatever. Listen- stay away from Bakura.”
“I’m serious. Just…leave him alone, alright? I’m not kidding.”
“ PPPFFUUUUUUUHHHHHHH……… WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE… NO FUCK THAT. CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT I AM WORKING MY INEXPLICABLE SKILLS HERE?”
“What ‘skills’, freako?”
“NO FUCK NO I AM NOT EXPLAINING QUADRANTS TO A HUMAN AGAIN. NOPE NOPE NOPE. NOT DOING IT.”
“What are you even talking about?!”
“NOPE NOPE NOPE!”
“Whatever! Like I said: just leave him alone!”
“OR THE FUCK WHAT, DIPSHIT? GONNA GLOW AT ME? PLAY A CARD GAME? OH SHIT GUYS HE’S GOING TO LAY DOWN A FACE DOWN! I AM TREMBLING OUT OF FEARFUL SHAME FOR MY FUTURE HUMILIATION AT THE LOSS OF A GAME FOR CHILDREN WITH HOLOGRAMS! WOE IS ME, I’M JUST GOING TO GO BURY MYSELF IN A SHADOWY PIT SO HIDE MY TERRIBLE SHAME DEVOURING LOSS FROM THE WORLD.”
“I’m warning you, I-!”
“…Yugi…why are you yelling at Karkat?”
“Oh. Uhm. Bakura. Just…you know. Haha…bent a card. You have to respect your cards.”
“…right…Karkat, don’t bend those, that’s my favorite deck, ok?”
“It’s fine. I brought drinks.”
“THANKS RYOU.” “Thanks Bakura!”
==> Karkat and Yugi: Exchange platonically hateful glares
==> Karkat: Reexamine quadrants
NO WAY. FUCK THAT.
DAMN, AND VRISKA THOUGH SHE HAD A LOT GOING ON. YOU HAVE SO MUCH ON YOUR PLATE WITH THIS.
YOU DOUBT ANYONE ELSE HAS AS MUCH PILED UP AS YOU DO.
IT’S HARD GROWING UP AND BEING A KID AND HAVING TO SAVE THE WORLD.
IT’S HARD AND NO ONE UNDERSTANDS